The near enemy of confidence is hubris, which is an overblown sense of our own capabilities that’s not tied to any actual achievements. In contrast, people who lack humility act like they know everything: They refuse to ask questions, believe their ideas are the only good ones, and clash with anyone who disagrees with them or proves them wrong.)

(Shortform note: In Dare to Lead, Brown continues her discussion of humility by saying that humble people are those who ask questions, think critically, and admit when they don’t know something.

While it’s often considered to be the opposite of confidence, Brown says that humility is actually a function of confidence-we have to be secure enough in ourselves to recognize when we might be wrong and when we have room to grow.īrown sums up humility by quoting another of her books, Dare to Lead: “I’m here to get it right, not to be right.” On the other hand, humility is grounded confidence combined with a willingness to learn and improve. However, confidence doesn’t have to be loud and aggressive-someone who can listen quietly, make a decision calmly, and admit when he doesn’t have all the answers is also displaying confidence.) (Shortform note: In The Confidence Code, the authors note that the commonly accepted image of confidence is how men traditionally express it: We imagine someone boasting about his skills, forcefully making decisions, and rolling over anyone who tries to argue with him. For example, an accomplished performer might still feel stage fright, but she can draw confidence from the knowledge that she’s experienced and skilled, and that audiences love her shows.īrown adds that defensiveness comes from a lack of grounded confidence-we feel the need to protect ourselves from anything that might disrupt our self-image or sense of self-worth, so we immediately turn to justifications and excuses for any negative traits we have and any mistakes we make. Brown wants us to work toward a particular form of confidence that she calls grounded confidence: a powerful sense of self that comes from accurate analysis of what we’ve done and what we can do.

Atlas of the heart brene brown